The First Ten Days, Four: The Call-Out

In every abusive scenario, there’s a finger-wagger.

Just when you get good and sick of your abuser, and kick them to the curb, someone will step in and try to make you question that decision.

You will be reminded, repeatedly, of all the things you were fooled into first liking about the abuser. You will be scolded into gratitude for things they may have done for you. And when all else fails, you will be directed to pity the abuser, to dwell on their suffering instead of your own, and told you’re cold and “just as bad” if you refuse to forgive.

Some of these finger-wagging types stand to benefit from the abuser’s domination of you. They may be kiss-ups, privileged by your oppression, and eager to help the abuser out. Some of them are toadies, wannabe-bullies, who get their shots in once you’re weakened. And some of them are just in denial, still in love with the abuser for reasons of their own, eager to maintain a status quo they haven’t quite managed to see through yet.

Sometimes they fool you into staying, a little while longer. Sometimes they don’t.

One thing they cannot ever do, is make abuse anything other than what it is.

I have been hearing much talk lately about the “class” Bush has shown, letting go of his power without a fuss. Is this class? I’ve heard calls from the media to be “thankful” for his transparency towards Obama during this transition. Is this worthy of gratitude? We are showing an abuser the door. We have no obligation to thank him for leaving civilly.

Don’t waste your pity on this beaten man. Don’t feel sad or embarrassed for him, that several million of his former constituents booed him as he entered the Inaugural stands. He earned so much worse.

The only thing I’m willing to thank Bush for is the fact that he remained unrepentant through his final days and hours in office, instead of conceding his defeat eight years too late. He stayed contemptible and irrelevant, instead of throwing himself self-centeredly on the mercy of an American public that was rightfully focused on Obama’s well-earned glory.

I thank him for keeping out of sight. I wish he’d just done that in the first place.

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