Jul 9, 2006

(originally posted on pajiba.com)

***
Reading the reviews for “Pirates of the Caribbean 2″, it seems there are four camps: the haters of the whole idea of the movie, the people that loved everything about the movie, the people who were disappointed in the movie but liked the special effects, and the people, like me, who were disappointed in the movie for reasons that include the violent effects.

I know that, because of our society’s collective lust for disgusting, graphically rendered monsters, my opinion will always be in the minority; and probably not taken seriously.

I know I’ll come across as a wimp and a prude, even though I love “Evil Dead” and “Apocalypse Now”.

But I have to say it: I’m so utterly sick of CGI being used almost exclusively to horrify or disgust. I am sick to death of computer effects taking over every movie that’s made anymore, crowding out the human actors, distracting from the plot (such as it may be) and the genuinely interesting interactions of the characters. Especially when said effects seem to be nothing but a showcase of ugliness and horror and violence for their own sake, in a movie that I thought was going to be a lighthearted little summer romp. I realized anew why I almost never go to the movies anymore.

I sat through “The Crow” in the theater when I was 15, and I wasn’t shocked or nauseated then like I was today—because I knew I was at a horror film, and I expected it. Nasty, gruesome images like those in “Pirates of the Caribbean 2″ have no business in a movie that markets itself as a harmless family film. Anyone who takes their child to see this is making a big mistake—eyeballs get viciously torn out by crows, animals get repeatedly shot, graphic body parts are everywhere, people get beaten by their own father, and there is a nasty, negative vibe hanging over the whole movie. It is nothing like the first. It’s like the cast of the first film wandered onto the set of a horror movie, and have no idea what they’re doing there.

Laugh and feel superior and hipster-cool if you want, but does everything have to be dark and gorily violent to be taken seriously or hold our attention anymore? Does everything have to be either mindless drivel, or ultraviolent nastiness? It feels like that’s all that comes out anymore. Are there no fun, smart alternatives?

I went to this movie expecting to see a funny, loopy, sunshiny picture about pirates and beaches and silly bad guys. What I endured was almost three hours of darkness and slime and horror and pointlessness. I want my goddamn Sunday back.

A Little Mind-Clearing
Le Flâneur (music by The XX) from Luke Shepard on Vimeo. With all the upsetting news coming in from around the world lately, it's useful sometimes to be reminded of the beauty and creativity still ...
Movie Review: “Killing Cars”, 1985 (3/5)
For Prochnow fans only... ...But if you like the old boy, you'll enjoy this perhaps more than you might expect. People who even know who Jürgen Prochnow is tend to already be fans of the cha...
“No Man’s Land”, 2001
Rarely has a movie knocked me on my ass quite like this one. Set in Bosnia and Herzegovina during the civil war in 1993, it follows two enemy soldiers, Ciki and Nino, who become trapped togethe...