Me Then, Me Now

It’s not surprising, after the dark year I had in 1999 and 2000, to try to put some psychological distance between myself and then. To focus on the difference between “me then” and “me now”. But my attention’s dwelt so long on the contrast between those two selves, it’s kind of like I’ve lost the thread of my life.

I’ve allowed a wide chasm to exist between my past and my present. It’s been a comfort for years, knowing how far I’ve come away from that. But it’s gone on long enough. I need to shine a light more brightly on the positive aspects of myself that have been there the whole time—the continuum of soul that no dark days, or period of healing, can shake loose or extinguish.

Click!

As an early birthday present, a congratulations for getting through AFO, and a practical study-abroad gift, my parents have decided to buy me a digital camera. Big deal, right? Well, I can’t say that I’m anything more than an amateur photographer, but I’m past the beginner stage. I’ve taken two college-level classes in photography, and I’m fairly camera-literate. I’m also rabidly analog—mmm, darkrooms. I swore film photography would never die, not as long as I could contribute. Besides, digital cameras hate me—little plastic-chip things that break if I look at them sideways, grainy photos, five-second shutter lag, software that shuns Macs. I can hear their little cackling as I mess up picture after picture. Just another thing to bust or worry about getting stolen, right?

But as soon as my mom and dad said that they’d like to buy me one, I got interested. Buying one for myself never had much draw, but now I want one even if I have to pay for it. I did a lot of research on the internet about different models and brands, and I’ve decided to go with a Nikon Coolpix 7900. It’s not meant to replace my Minolta SLR—I’m taking that too, for the artsy stuff—but just to record snapshots of the places I go on side trips from Aix-en-Provence, my study-abroad “home base”.

I still wanted good image quality, and the little movie capability is attractive too (Nikons record movies in Quicktime, which my Mac likes, instead of Canon’s AVI, which it doesn’t). I take pictures of everything when I travel—recording the place, recording the trip, artistic stuff, whatever. It’s really excessive. I can’t help it! This translated to sixty rolls of film during my first month-long trip to Europe. My next trip will be for nine months. So, in the interest of not paying $5,000 in film and developing, not to mention hauling 50kg of developed photos home, this might be a godsend. But I feel myself being assimilated! I still love you, Minolta SLR! Will I stay true to film, or capitulate to the dark side of convenience and immediate prints? Stay tuned!

Richmond Weather

Alright, you know what? I’ve finally had it with the weather here. I know that being from Florida has spoiled me silly, but isn’t it supposed to be warmer than 55 degrees in late May? Two days ago, that’s what we had. And I mean that was the *high* that day. Right now, it’s 77, but it’s also hailing. With the sun out. Winter apparently lasts eight months here. And before you say, “Well, at least Virginia doesn’t have hurricanes”, talk to the people who lost their roofs in Isabel in ’03, or those folks in Shockoe Bottom who saw the 17 feet of water that Tropical Storm Gaston dumped on them last fall. There are a lot of things that I love about Richmond, but the weather here is NOT on that list.

Uncomplicated Life

Ahh…air that will never smell like Richmond.

We’re at a vineyard near Monticello. I’m skipping the wine tasting, as my allergies are acting up today. It’s pleasant, though, to sit outside in the spring air after this long, hard winter. It’s agreeable to have a bit of time to write, after putting writing on the back burner for so many months.

I feel like I’ll never be the same again, and not necessarily in a good way. Things need to be simpler than they have been. I need more time to myself, to do what I want, to enjoy the uncomplicated part of life. I need to stop worrying about being inconsequential, irrelevant, anonymous. Who cares? The point is to live, and revolutionize life that way—not to win attention, and then choke when all eyes are on me.

My last painting critique sucked. Not just ambivalent towards the work I showed, but terrifically unhelpful to boot. I’m supposed to bust my butt to put art out there, and then be satisfied to receive very little help with it? It rattles my commitment to art. Do I want to commit to anything? Where is my passion? This year was hard, and it made me strong; but my strength feels more like animosity to art than commitment to create it.

This summer, I’m going to work out a way of life that makes me happy—and I’m going to stick with it, no matter what. Life’s too precious to spend it punishing myself for not being respected by people I don’t even like.

Beginning

Hello, and welcome to erosdiscordia! I’ve wanted to put up a website or a blog for almost a year now, but school obligations have left little time for it. Having ended regular classes yesterday evening, though, I thought I’d celebrate by beginning this little blog.

I go to Virginia Commonwealth University, and I spent the last two semesters in their Art Foundation program. All art majors have to pass through Art Foundation—or AFO—before being accepted into their majors, unless they bring in enough transfer credits to get out of it. I did transfer here, but not with enough art credits to skip AFO. VCU’s art program is nationally ranked, and it’s challenging, making AFO resemble a sort of art boot camp. These past nine months have been interesting, to say the least. I expect it to remain that way, now that I’ve been accepted into Painting/Printmaking, especially since I’m tentatively (financial aid depending!) going to be studying painting abroad in Provence this upcoming school year.

Ironically, one thing I have learned in AFO is how big a part I want other things besides art to play in my life. Everyone has to strike a balance, not only between what you take in and what you put out, but also between different modes of expression. I paint, but I also write. It’s just as important to me, and gives me just as much happiness! So welcome. Expect a lot of different topics from art to politics to spirituality. I’m committed to living life deeply and reporting it faithfully (mild self-aggrandizement nonwithstanding). Feel free to comment, and definitely check out the links!